I am Bipolar

Weird heading right? In my case, true. I have been with my parents the past few days, as they were visiting from Indiana, when I realized crap, I have not written a blog post in a few days. Then it came to my attention that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. That means bring awareness. I am Bipolar. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I probably knew before that. I had suffered depression, anxiety and insomnia for years. Been on A LOT of meds and therapy to try and cope. I hit a breaking point. I was self medicating and just lost. In a fog of lack of sleep and not knowing how to function. I got treatment. It was HARD but necessary and they got me on the right meds. I was stable for some time and sleeping for the first time since I can remember. I felt good, and safe and secure and not "crazy". So then comes Dec. 2014. My meds just STOPPED working. To this day I don't know why. Hormones, change in diet, age? What? I went to three hormone doctors and have lost count of how many times I have had to see my psychiatrist. It was every two weeks and now about once a month. (and a lot of phone calls) I am on my 5th medicine for sleep. None of them have worked. I am on a new mood stabilizer. We had to start from scratch. That means weening off and trying certain things. It was a rough couple of months. I would have some good days, but mostly felt like ass. I spent about a month just crying every day. I felt so low I did not want to exist. One thing that kept me going? My workouts. I never missed one. Even if I did not want to leave my bed, I still worked out. One night I literally did not sleep all night. I went and worked out at 3AM. That what my solace. A therapy if you will. I gained about 10 pounds. I had binge eating days. I had off days. I had bad days. I am working my way back. I feel like a different person now than I did. I am getting better. I still have racing thoughts. I still have sleepless nights. I still get easily angry, but do try to calm down. I am better at coping. I know some people find me different. I told one lady I was bipolar and she said "that explains a lot". I guess it does. Why would I share this? Why would I be so open? Because it is real. It is a sickness you cannot see. People with depression, PTSD, anxiety, ANY TYPE OF MENTAL HEALTH OR MOOD DISORDER? It is real. God bless you if you have never had to deal it. That is freaking awesome. But for those of us that do? Please do your part. Seek help. TAKE YOUR MEDS. Do your part by exercising and eating right (I know, not all the time). Don't hide who you are or pretend you are OK when you are not. There are good people out there that will support you (us). Rely on loved ones. I look like a normal wife/mom/friend/coach but I am different. That is OK. I am bipolar.